आज की रात की  चाँदनी में  ,
कल सुबह नहाया धोया
अरुणाभ बच्चा सूरज
चौदहवी का सूरज
नयी आशाओ  के  संग
राग रंग  भरे अंग अंग
आपके आशीर्वाद  की प्रतीक्षा में
आप के  सपनो  की रक्षा में
सादर समर्पित -
चौदहवी का सूरज
हर दिन बसन्त लाये  

बिन बरसे बादल, मेरी मुट्ठी में
सोयी मट्टि ,सोया चूल्हा
गटकता थूक हर घुट्टी में
नही सोया जो सपना
वह देखो मेरी आँखों  में।
अनखेला बचपन देखो
 ऊंघ रहा इसी आंगन में
कितने साल युँ बीत गये
यह साल भी क्या बीतेगा।

बिना जीवन ही क्या जीना होगा
बिना हंसी क्या हंसना  होगा।
क्या अब भी नींद बिना सपनो के
कैसे  चल पाउँगा बिना अपनों के
भूख लगेगी तो क्या वादे खाऊंगा
बुझे दिल से  तो क्या गाने गाऊंगा
नववर्ष  तुम्हारा ,तुम्हे मुबारक
उम्मीदों के सहारे मुझे जी लेने दो। 

सफ़ेद चादर ओढ़े फिरता ,मैली करदो कोय ,
दिन में ओढ़े ,रात भी ओढ़ी छूआ मोय न कोय

 कामेन्द्रिय  अथवा ज्ञानेन्द्रिय  या कि  फिलोसफी  या दर्शन  या  दार्शनिक , यह मेरा  विषय़  या विचार नहीं    है। विश्व  कर्म प्रधान करी करि  राखा।  कर्मन्येवधिकरस्ते मा फलेषु कदाचन।

मैं  विचारेन्द्रिय , कर्मेंद्रिय ,कर्म एवम विचारों  पर ही केंद्रित रहने का  प्रयास   करता  हुँ।
कर्म मात्र  ही करने योग्य  है।  इन्द्रिय का महत्व बहुत नहीं हैं।  प्रश्न कृति ,कर्म, विचारों का ही होता है। 

संपूर्ण संदर्भ शास्त्र  विचार विलास  है  जो केवल कर्म की प्रधानता स्वीकार  करते हैं। 

मैं जीतेन्द्रीय नहीं हूं।  प्रज्ञा विलास ,खुले  मन से ,बिना पूर्वाग्रह  के  सबकी सुनते हुए ,,यह मेरा मार्ग है।
मन  सर्वोपरी है। इन्द्रिय मन नही। अतींद्रिय मन।
मानसिक स्पर्श ,आत्मिक स्पर्श ,कायिक स्पर्श ,कुब्जा -कृष्ण स्पर्श ,अहिल्या -स्पर्श , दुर्वाषा स्पर्श। 

में  विचार -विचरण करता  हुँ। 

नये से मूल्यांकन ,निंदा ,नये  की बात ही आनंद है ,उपलब्धि है ,उसने देखा ,कहा ,यही बहुत है। 

Surakshit hone ka ehsash maje to deta hi na hai. Suraksha ashirvad hai,prasad hai,- swaraksha prakriti hai,vishwas hai.

I win every time and why you chose to lose every time .
I have nothing to lose and world to win.
Every time you draw the sword ,I win and obviously you lose.
I am my own habit and habits have not shaped me.I am not a slave of habits. No addictions. No high ambition. Of course strong conviction for the values,even if I am alone.
 I cannot stoop for butter.
Judicial aloofness,transparent personality and  a living sharing life,  nothing for my own self , not even my pension or retireal benefits,that is me.
But A pen , a few books,some plain papers and working food and roof,that is all I aspire.
Let younger ones watch me. I am ready for their scrutiny.

Each insult heaped on me , inspired me, made me  tough , stronger, and more determined.
I did not allow anybody causing injury to third person without more than sufficient reason, compelling reason and did not succumb,will not succumb to pressures, whims or unjust desires,improper dictates after 1976.
Perhaps 1972 to 1976 was my best learning years- may be bitter, unbearably bitter but those worst days were my best teacher. I learnt the  most between 1962 to 1976. After 1976 I started to experience, work, try and learn.
From 1997 onwards each paise I earned is tax-paid.
Before 1997 I used to earn through advocacy,practicing lawyer, as a teacher,as a coach.
My wife earned through her own efforts of petty business
She had her small savings and used to receive some gifts from her mother-side.I contributed poorly to-wards her.I contributed wholeheartedly  towards the whole family. I even ignored her but loved her because I knew she alone can sacrifice.And  she did do that.
I did not differentiate between the whole family at any point of time and responded all family calls even at the risk of loss of career, money, prestige,my children's pleasure, my wife's consent.
I do not have any claim over any thing nor do I have any complain. Now only memories are there, no pains.
I am writing these pages only for my own satisfaction and spelling out myself correctly.
I am more then satisfied but I must live and leave openly.
I have sinned at times but never in a way that I should be ashamed of that.
I have lived a proportionate life and will live the rest of life proportionately.
I have walked more than I could have anticipated.


I

A sales boy in a retail cloth store in a small kasba, son of a virtual maid servant of 1972,a daily wage earner of rs.2/50 a day,a boy in teens suffering carnal insults innocently,perhaps getting a few bucks to keep his mouth shut,.
Earlier ,a part time worker in 1970 offering almost voluntary begar service at a small old bookshop near Shavitri Patthsala, Calcutta,.
In1973 a lad of 17 vending Aryavarta, Pradeep newspaper at Patna Junction, . In 1968  I was walking from Satya Narayan Park to Sealdah to save 5 paise meant for bus fare, to walk from Satya Narayan Park to Kankurgachhi to save 15 paise, to save 5 paise or 10 paise coins by concealing them in the upper cup of a ceiling fan ,While three days only on water, Some khichadi which got burnt shared with a family guest.
 In 1973-74 my father and mother getting abused before me itself still my mother telling me not to react and tolerate, My father praying to God for an earliest death for the whole family .
With only rs.555 we shifted from Calcutta to Aurangabad, later on that too was spent to bring migration certificate from kolkata.

I AM REALLY HAPPY TO SEE THAT CORRUPTION IS NOW AN ISSUE AND PERHAPS THE SOCIETY WILL DECIDE IN COMING DAYS WHETHER TO TOLERATE IT OR NOT,WHETHER TO OWN CORRUPTION OR NOT.
Perhaps society will investigate and find out who was the father of corruption in post independence India.
There has been many mothers and fathers of corruption in India who breatfed it,protected it,nurtured it and imported it in Indian day today routine.
We must find out the father of "Peshi ", "Nazarana",  "Rashidana" ,"PP fee"," Mulakati fee",  "Record Dekhai Fee",  " bakshish",  TT E Courtesey,  "Mamoolee",  NakalNikalayee,   Record or File pahuchaayee, , C formNikalwane ka Kharcha,  Release Pahuchane ka Kharcha, ,Date lene Ka Kharcha, Date badalne kaKharcha,   Fax jaldi karwane ka Kharcha,  File upar se niche  ya nche se ypar karwane kakharcha, Saheb se Milne ki salami,Thane ka hafta,VAT walo ka mahina,DiwalikiParvi,HeadQuarter SE AAye hai-salam, Mantrijee ki dali, Diwali Gift, Shaddi gift Culture,Chanda Culture. and so on

If you can know of 1972 and me, you can feel the difference between 1972 and 2016.
Having suffered a complete  identity loss ,a loss of  respect of all kinds and having experienced imminent threat to my bare existence , I am to-day relieved after a continuous journey of 44 years- a journey where I learnt how to run a run for 44 years without any back up-only out of sheer determination within
I will not leave half way.
I am not in a war between winning it or losing it.
I will not allow this war to terminate- it will be always continued till my last breath .
Why I should concede any thing to any one.
I know that I must fight even if left alone without any arms.
I will fight tooth and nail.
I always fight whole-heartedly, head heart and soul.
If you get me as your friend,companion,guide,teacher,it must be your achievement.
If you fail to get me as that,I can feel sad for you.
But then my journey shall go on for ever-never for my own self but for you all.
I will walk another mile every moment .
I will not harm you.
None can harm you so long as I am there.
I will protect you even if it is too risky,even at the cost of minehood.
You and all must live respectfully, with peace.security
I love you all at every cost.
I will leave but never without foot prints
You all can have a small happy nappy on my palm,get rest your head.

I

It takes generations if you want to change yourself.
If you want to change the system you require only determination to fight and suffer the personal consequences.
If you want to see a change in the coming generation,you must be ready to sacrifice yourself.

khana bhi hai aaj to
din bhar ki mihnat ke baad
bhookh bhi lag chali hai jor se

par yaad aate hai wo din
jab bhookh lagi hi rahati thi
kyo ki n to karne ko kam tha
n khane ko dana

charo aur pasra the
nangi bhookh ka nazara

aaj mere paas khana bhi hai
bhookh bhi hai
par niwala gale se niche
 utarata hi nahi

meri yugo ki tapasya ke bbad
mila yah bhojan
ab bhi sare bhhokho ki bhookh
 to nahi mita raha

bhookh akeli meri hi to hai nahi

badi bhhokh lagi hai
bhojan bhi samne hai
par kha nahi ppaauunga mai

mere alaawa
 abhi bhi bahut sare hai
unhe bhi bhookh lagi ha
i
 kha nahi pata mai
kyo ki tum bhi to bhookhe ho

aaj rahne do
mein kha nahi paaunga
kyon ki  meri bhookh ke anant saathi
aaj bhi bhookhe hai

Atma bechunga nahi,
apmaan ho to apman hi sahi,
Atma bech kar samman
n kharida hai n kharidunga.
samman mera ho
ya ki tumhara
samman ki raksha mein karunga
atma ko  jalil nahi hone dunga
atma nahi bikegi
lakh apmaan aana chahe to aaye
samman atma bech kar nahi
samman chahiye
samman ke saath
sampurna samman
akhand sammman

Law is of the state,by the state and for the state.
Every state is the conscience keeper ,protector of the people of that country.
State wisdom is law.
 Only the court of that state, once again that court is also only the wisdom of that state law, can authoritatively comment upon the administration of law,application of law.
  Law is the reflection,manifestation of state-supremacy,state wisdom
Every state is guided by its own personal or political perception.
Tax laws are no different.

Bahut hua, bahut kiya, bahut ho chuka hai ab;
ab to ham baitth kar tamasha dekhenge duniya ka.

Hare to nahi hai hum,tumhe bhi harne nahi denge
par ab aur n khelenge, n ladenge, harne ka to sawal hi nahi.

jee diya hai jindgi hamne jee bhar ke,bina kisi shikayat ke
aage bhi ishi tarah jiyenge jindadili se,saath rangeen sapno ke

I hate greed, love self respect, get angry for other's cause and am aroused as a normal human being but avoid extremities.
 No addiction but love brakes,teaching and being taught. Reading is my fantasy. Writing- I cannot resist.

Drawing a balance sheet- would love to be examined through younger generation.

Drawing a balance sheet of one's life after 60 year is not easy joke.
Balancing all the accounts in all the ledger books which have not been made up on regular basis and most of the transactions in the last60 years are still lying there in day-books , some randomly debited or credited or passed through a series of suspense  accounts , some errors getting compensated by another error , really some unauthorized transactions - not permissible but unavoidable , incomplete narration , stale or mutilated vouchers, some vouchers lost , some getting lost, some misplaced and some intentionally held up, really a mess after 60 years.
From childhood days  up to this to-day?
Some transactions are really reconstructed without vouchers sometimes only certified by seniors, some well wishers.
A few transactions as narrated carry prejudices , pre-notions , biases , hatred and may be unduly inflated , too miniaturized or too magnified or glorified , know not really correct or incorrect or partly correct or partly incorrect.

May not be much different then yours?

But then not everybody bothers about a real transparent complete speaking balance sheet.

I visit  myself. I keep on revisiting myself. I have salvaged some very important vouchers and kept them safe.

I would love to be examined through younger generation.

I have not lived completely fair.

My public life is in public domain.

My family life remains shared.

I had gone weak personally at intervals.

I could not be shaken at some places.

When I was the weakest I did not leave aside my brakes ,I used them, came back, fought myself several times. I never got ashamed that I got weak rather every weak moment for me was an occasion to test me and my brakes and prove me and my determinations.

I avoided extreme ends of action,thought and philosophy.

I avoided everything that appeared too rigid.

But then I was,and am really fundamentalist about having really fine tuned brakes always ready to be applied,really to be applied where everything appears uncontrollable.

 I cannot sit and allow things to happen as they happen.

I learn and grow bigger,  rise taller, stronger , rigid , uncompromising under duress, coercion , undue influence , temptation , allurement ,rage and lewdness.

Challenges , I love you all, would like to meet you all again and again.

You all have been my real teacher.

 I will try even if every thing is gone.

I can never go without another effort and hope.

 I must try whether there is any use for that or not.

 Another attempt is my life-word.

 Brake,Brakes,And fine tuned brake is my life blood.

Making bridges,crossing them, across generations , across time and frames  again and again to meet each,all and everyone who are at either end at any point of time at every cost is me.

Take your own decision, take responsibility, march ahead.
Why expect spoon feeding?
Are you expecting more then what you deserve.

Work, no talk and then walk ahead,
Till, sow, rear,don't wait; walk ahead
See, observe ,, feel experience ahead
define ,refine share and walk ahead
Walk ahead to make space for future
walk ahead to meet future generation

Love the life, live it and then leave it safely for others.
Generations have walked, let us talk and walk and then let others join our concluding sessions so that the relay walk may continue.
Let not height or distance be any impediment in between you all and me.
I will walk every inch and bear even icy heights with thin layer of oxygen. I will gather another gushy airy lung and red blood full heart for all that is life. I will not walk out,no walk over.

We all live to leave.
As we live more,we leap more towards leaving.
Living is an art,leaving is the motto of this art and art of leaving is how you have done with art of living.If we live fairly ,we leave fairly.
Be ready to leave and always be ready as if you fave already lived. Ultimately we all have to leave but not until we have lived.

Feeling that I am responsible for things around makes your attitudinal portrait, grooms your inner personality and fixes you on the social plane. This assertion of taking responsibility may cause stress to some extent but life itself is stress. Every time when hawks attempt , carnivorous mammals move out for their routine meals ,it is really stress for some other living beings. The life and the urge to live,to survive and the struggle to survive are no mean sources of stress that cannot be avoided.
Then,why to avoid the urge to excel,the urge to own responsibility, to live full strength , to live contributingly , to leave this world with a sense of satisfaction.
Sans recourse living,living without owning blames , living as is and as would be-even this posture cannot make you completely free.
Taking responsibility,accepting the blame,to lead and declare it are the beautiful heights of human life. Other wise also nature has made you responsible for you at every time.You cannot blame. May seek shelter but never as a matter of right..

Be more absorbent, have higher boiling point,must have tine finest fool proof brakes, have a cool compass that can guide you even in the strongest tempest, keep your sails,mast,anchor and all the sailors always in fittest state, invest vigorously in light houses,on the coastline,try to fix some trails,messages,marks for the next visitor or any one who may land there, sunshine is the optimum source of heat, light and energy, use reflectors. Water is must ,learn to conserve that-self defense is the ultimate virtue and others welfare is man-like expected value.

Something around, ;around, around
so soothing the change has come,
the seed,the sprout, the tender leaves
they all are growing, but always new
let them have smiles only, tears few
they have to welcome morning dews
glowing purity,glittering newness
soaking all,no more parched

They love insult if it is from them and to you .,
Hate is their quality,they love to hate all that challenge them.
Your pain, their reward, they get set to shower pity n kind .gesture
Your starvation is their pleasure, your huger makes them dance.

If you got rebukes from your own, it is your destiny.
Appreciation that you got was due to their ignorance.
Love if you got any where,a rare thing; must be a mistake that visited you.
Contempt that you really deserved and must accept, is only full circle yours.
Why any body should share your agony, feelings.
Emotions are always unrealistic,only fools like you carry that. Why others be attached to that.
Please, let me suck you,you are meant for that and what the hell ,makes you expect a reward.
I am proportionately fair to you, any way;I have a right to decide my own surplus.
Hate and hatred ,you yourself brought that, bought by being really nice,efficient, excellent
and
 now you have enemies only or the next ones anxiously waiting to inherit.
You am I.

The old beloved ox has been sold out to the local butcher. Long live his precious services.

Whether Ganguly or Tejpal or Asharam  are different from me,you,, him or them.
They have been exposed, trapped and God  up till now is saving us  

I love seeds. I protect seeds. I will give all that is mine for seeds.
I love tomorrow. To-day is gone.Yesterday had gone long long ago.
Only seeds are the hopes of  tomorrow. If I succeed in protecting the seeds, their germinatablity,  their sproutabilty,their inner creativity and readiness to sacrifice their own self for tomorrow, I will have endless chain of rosy tomorrows.
Even if I go,tomorrows will always be there.
Ilive in today but for tomorrow.
May be today is mine but it was not always mine.
I know tomorrow is not mine but nothing, not even me, can stop you all from having your own tomorrow, healthier from my today.